Wednesday, 20 February 2008

I don't want to hear it

Opening gambit from punters guaranteed to annoy.

I'm sure I'm wasting your time but.......

Yes you are, now fuck off and take some paracetamol.

Well, it's my wife you see, she keeps nagging me to do something about this lump on my foot, finger, arse, back - take your pick. It's been there for a couple of years now.....

Why oh why have you come to an Urgent Care Centre then? Fuck. Off. Now. Before I beat you to death with a tendon hammer!

My friend, whose mum used to be a dentist's receptionist said I need an Xray.....

Did she, well you'd better get her down here to sign the request form then, because I aint gonna do it!

Someone said I need a butterfly stitch.....

Who the fuck is someone? Why do half of my patients listen to this character's advice and completely ignore me. Someone must know some serious juju, because he/she is responsible for many, many attendances at my place of work. Oh, and what the fuck is a butterfly stitch - can someone tell me?

I've come to get checked out.....

This is a healthcare facility, not the fucking Ritz! I am a nurse, not a bastard receptionist.

On the way out:

I'm sorry to have wasted your time.......

So you fucking should be, never darken my doors again unless you have actually got something wrong with you.

But what do I say?

  • It's OK, it's what we're here for.
  • We'd rather see you and reassure you.
  • Well it could have been have been something serious.

I sometimes wonder why my teeth are grinding when I repeat the above.

Oh dear, sometimes I get so cross I think my head will explode.


Advanced Practitioner said...

Love it!!

Please don't forget!

I don't want to bother the doctor so I've come to see you!

They seem to think I have all the time in the world. Wrong, my time of 10 minute consultation it just as important as the doctors, now fuck off!

GrumpyRN said...

And my all time favourite(top hate) "To let you understand" and then rambling on for 5-10 minutes about something that happened up to 10 years ago. Just tell me. I've been educated by a good British university, I have years of experience, I will understand, honest.