Now then Mrs/Miss/Ms Scrote, let me get this straight.
You have insisted on a home visit because your child has had a cold for a week and it hasn't got any better.
The reason you couldn't attend the surgery was because you had no transport.
The two cars on the drive cannot be driven because you and your husband/partner/current squeeze/casual shag are too pissed to leave the comfort of your two large, comfy, inviting looking leather sofas.
You are plonked in front of £1500 worth of High Definition TV, with your £50/month Sky + box, watching a newly released film. I can fully understand you didn't want to be distracted from this whilst I enquired about your child's health, and examined him.
You can smoke at least two cigarettes each in the time I spend in your delightful company and chat on your top of the range mobiles.
So why can't you go and buy some paracetamol, for your child, from the all night shop down the road? Instead of getting the arsehole with me when I refuse to prescribe some.